Rough Sex – Meaning, Safety, Limits

Dr. Samantha Rubi MD
Dr. Samantha Rubi is a renowned gynecologist and endocrinologist. She has expertise in gynecological complications, infertility, IVF, and hormonal disorders. She writes about different health topics of her field in several health magazines and publications. Dr. Samantha Rubi is the chief gynecologist and endocrinologist of Learnfromdoctor.

Rough Sex Overview

Rough sex usually implies that there is an aspect of pain involved, that there is an invocation of their carnal sexual energy, and that there is an expectation of something unusual happening.

Essentially, if you want to rough it, it’s about how you do things differently and hardly rather than what you do. Almost any erotic activity can be done sweetly, slowly, and sensuously—or fast, hard, and rough.

Roleplay, restraint, biting, nail-digging, hard-thrusting intercourse, vigorous blow jobs or kissing, and anything intense that you can do with your hands—such as slapping, hair pulling, punching, grabbing, pushing, and ripping off clothing—are examples of rough sexual activities and positions.

Bondage, dominance, sadism, and masochism, or BDSM(all are sexual perversion according to forensic medicine), is another term for rough sex. Any sex that involves some level of danger, risk, or aggression—even if it’s not physical aggression and more about aggressive languages, such as giving or following commands—does.

How Common Rough Sex Is?

The desire for rough sex is both natural and widespread. Many people have BDSM fantasies or have dabbled in some form of BDSM play. A survey of over 700 young people revealed the prevalence of rough sex.

  • More than half of those polled had engaged in rough sex.
  • It is initiated by both men and women.
  • Consensual rough sex usually doesn’t really result in violence or injury.

Read Forced Sex – Meaning, types, and more

Using data from an undergraduate probability sample, the following goals are sought;

  • Describe the prevalence and demographic student characteristics who reported rough sex with their current partner;
  • Determine which sexual behaviors students regard as rough sex.
  • Describe, in relation to gender and sexual identity, the frequency with which participants reported engaging in rough sex, as well as their reports of initiating and liking rough sex; and
  • Investigate predictors of rough sex frequency

4998 students from a large Midwestern university were randomly selected and completed a confidential Internet-based survey (2453 women, 2445 men, 41 gender non-binary, 36 transgender or other gender non-conforming identities). Within this group, 1795 people who had a romantic/sexual partner for at least 3 months answered questions about engaging, liking, and initiating rough sex. Choking, hair pulling, and spanking were the most common rough sex behaviors among participants. Transgender and gender non-binary students were more likely to endorse rough sex behaviors.

Furthermore, rough sex was conceptualized as multidimensional, with one cluster more consistent with earlier rough sex conceptualizations (e.g., hair pulling, spanking) and the second cluster including behaviors such as choking, slapping, punching, and forcing someone to have sex. Approximately 80% of those with a current sexual or romantic partner engaged in rough sex with them, and the majority of those who engaged in it enjoyed it. Bisexual women reported having more rough sex and enjoying it more (54.1 percent indicated enjoying it “very much”). The implications for research and education on sexuality are discussed.

Alternative Names of Rough Sex

  • Aggressive sex
  • Forceful sex
  • Hardcore sex
  • Violent sex

Read Masturbation Effect on the Kidney

When Rough Sex Becomes Sexual Assault?

Because there is some overlap, it is critical to distinguish between rough sex and sexual assault. The key distinction is between consent and pleasure—sexual assault is never mutual, whereas rough sex is always. And, unlike rough sex, which is always about pleasure, sexual assault is never about pleasure.

Because of the fine line that exists between the two, rough sex is a carefully negotiated power exchange that takes into account both what the receiver is thrilled about and what the giver is keen to give. You can’t just believe to punch someone without first knowing where to hit safely and how to do so without injuring yourself.

Consider safety before using any device during sexual intimacy
Consider safety before using any device during sexual intimacy

Similarly, if you’re doing edgy role-playing, you should know if your partner has any past trauma related to anything being role-played and be prepared to deal with emotional triggers if they occur.

Even if you haven’t experienced trauma in the past, it’s a good idea to have these discussions. You don’t want to be traumatized as a result of a sexual encounter. You can discuss it outside of the bedroom, and if you’re extremely shy, say something like “I have a friend who enjoys rough sex. What are your thoughts on rough sex? Have you ever wanted to give it a shot?”

That way, you can get a sense of what your partner might or might not like, and then you can discuss what constitutes rough sex for both of you—it eliminates the guesswork.

How to Explore Rough Sex Safely

Scratching and biting are good places to start if you’re new to rough sex, according to Stewart. Most people are familiar with the sensation of a scratch, and light biting can be a step up from there. You can always increase the amount of scratching and biting you do based on your partner’s wants and needs.

Despite the fact that rough sex is depicted in advertisements and movies, it is still regarded as edgy or off-limits. As a result, it’s natural to feel awkward about trying to express your desire for it. Understand, if you like rough sex (or the idea of it), what you want isn’t perverted or wrong—lots of other people do, too. Try not to judge yourself, don’t apologize for expressing your desires, and don’t assume your partner will reject you because you’re crazy. Begin with something you’ve already done and enjoyed, such as being restrained during sex or having your hair pulled while giving a blowout.

Express yourself to your partner before approaching a rough sex
Express yourself to your partner before approaching a rough sex

After that, it’s just a matter of letting your imagination run wild. Consider what might come before or after that. What else sounds appealing? If you’re shy or just don’t know what you want, read some erotica for ideas, then share the best story with your lover, underlining the parts that you find really hot. Alternatively, find images of what you want to try and send them to your partner via text.

If you want to do something but aren’t sure how to do something safely, connect out to BDSM support groups (either online or in-person) to find someone who will show you how to do it safely and effectively. Many people enjoy rough sex and power play and will be delighted to assist you in having as much fun as they are.

Read Abrosexual, Polysexual, Biromantic.

Precautions and Safety Concerns

If done incorrectly, most of the rough sex portrayed in pornography can be mentally or physically dangerous. Please ensure that whatever you try does not put you in danger of mental or physical harm.

Aftercare, a critical BDSM practice, is essential for all rough sex. Let your partner know what you require both during and after sex.

Be knowledgeable that rough sex can put extra tension on condoms. When engaging in more vigorous sexual activity, it’s a good idea to use a thicker, stronger condom.

Finally, while minor injuries such as scratches and tenderness are normal, keep an eye out for anything that may necessitate more serious treatment. Rough sex, in particular, can cause anal or vaginal tearing. It is not uncommon to have some light spotting after sex. After all, if you experience excessive bleeding, you should seek medical attention.

Consent and Communication

So you want to be more passionate and dominant in bed, but you’re not sure how to approach your partner about it? Not to worry, chances are they’ve fantasized about something similar at some point in their lives. Bring up the subject confidently, demonstrating that you know what you’re talking about and that you want to explore rough sex only when both of you are comfortable with the idea.

You must ensure that they are equally enthusiastic and willing to partake in the same activities, whether it is spanking, biting, or hair-pulling. Choose a safe word that will allow you both to relax into the experience without fear of losing control. Before you get into bed, set your boundaries and make sure you’re both on the same page about how far you want to go so you don’t have to deal with questions, confusion, and surprises later.

Remember, no matter how engrossed you become, to read your partner’s body language. Similarly, if you’ve changed your mind about something, don’t be afraid to express your concerns and ask them to slow down or stop if you’re no longer comfortable.

Relaxing and Lubrication in Rough Sex

There’s no denying that rough sex, no matter how cautious you are, is a bit risky. By lubricating, you can reduce the likelihood of vaginal bruising and penile fractures. The spit can be a hot and appropriate way to make things slide more easily, but if you want to add additional cushion to your pushing and ensure a fulfilling session for both of you, you should look for a lubricant that offers some extra padding. The Lubido Hybrid Moisturising Lubricant is ultra-thick and provides natural padding for the most sensitive tissues because it combines the simplicity of a water-based lube with a touch of super-silky silicone.

When using condoms throughout rough sex, choose a thicker condom to ensure that it does not rip.

While it may appear to be a simple task, we are all raised and taught to be reserved in our sexuality and are rarely given the opportunity to let our inner beasts roar. Spend the weekend developing your need and desire for your partner’s body and touch, and save up all of your thirst for sexual satisfaction. When you have the opportunity, unleash all of your pent-up sexual energy on each other and let clothes and inhibitions fall away.

Use lubricated condom for rough sex
Use condom for safe sex

Talking dirty to one another, trying to describe what you want to do to the other or what they want to do to you, can help things get to begin and make it feel more unpredictable.

Care for Your Partner

Perhaps the most important aspect of rough sex is aftercare (along with communication and consent, ofc). After the deed is completed, don’t forget to look after your partner. Rough sex can feel incredibly wild and animalistic, which can lead to vulnerable moments later. Spend some time cuddling and having a conversation with each other, take a long hot bath together, drink some tea to rehydrate, and apply moisturizer to areas that have been spanked raw. And once the smoke has settled, you can begin the process all over again.

Show love to your partner
Show love to your partner

Rough Sex Summary

It is critical to first define what rough sex does not imply. This article is about consenting adults to have sex. If not all parties consent fully, if not enthusiastically, that is not rough sex. That is an assault and a serious crime.

Rough sex is difficult to define because it can range from hard kissing to the incorporation of BDSM (Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission, Sadism-Masochism) elements. A certain sex act may be considered rough by one person but not by another.

Rough sex, in particular, refers to sexual activity that involves some form of aggressive behavior. There is frequently some pleasurable pain involved, as well as fast and vigorous movement.

Consider Safety and never turn rough sex into sexual assault.

Last Updated on February 23, 2022 by Learn From Doctor Team

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